The Importance of Family
The Importance of the Family
Introduction
A successful relationship between club, player, coach and parent is the key to success in many ways. The family as an institution has been changing for many years now and the 21st century traditional English nuclear family is pretty much history for a large part of the community and this is a completely different concept to the one we as coaches may have been born into. Also, the extended family has been eroded away with time leaving child care and support more in the hands of formal organisations.
Families maybe in conflict, separated or divorced or merely formed differently. A player may live in a gay family or in a family which is shared with other ‘non blood’ brothers or sisters. But it may not be the structure of the family that is most important but more, the support that the family offers, so you may face a situation where a player who lives in a traditional family gets little support and underachieves in his football, whilst another who lives in a dysfunctional group with support might excel. This support gives the player that essential ‘scaffold’ that enables him to build his career around.
One of the tasks of the coach is to recognise and manage the family setting the player lives in, obviously without intrusion or subjective opinion. Should the support be missing, the coach may be able to provide it, but the coach needs to recognise this first and then act and not assume it will sort itself out. Most importantly, the coach cannot replace the type of support the family offers, so he needs to be sensitive to this.
Continued lack of support and encouragement is bound to lead to motivation and self esteem issues in the player and so a knock on effect on performance and development. This is more than likely to further lead to emotional and possibly behavioural issues too.
Wider cultural changes compound the issues. The growth of formal play at the expense of informal play and the ‘stay at home kid’ has replaced the ‘latch key kid’ that characterised much of our recent past. The importance of coverting young players cannot be underestimated. To help with creativity and freedom of expression kids will need to feel safe and secure and have clear boundaries to behave within. This is an essential role of the players’ family and his support system. Some players have inner strength and get through without apparent support but the majority don’t.
Often parents or carers have little idea HOW they can support their children in their football. They may have good intentions but need help in turning this into action. Here are some ideas for them.
Independence & Responsibility
• Teach the child to be independent. Let him make key decisions around the house. Go to shops, etc
• Make sure the player packs his own bag for football and cleans his own boots (have spare kit in the car in case he forgets).
• Let him feedback to you (parent, carer) about his performances and show a keen interest in what he says.
• Offer your opinion only AFTER his input (Reflect later in the day not immediately after a match or practice).
Practice
The more informal and independent practice the player gets, the better (solo, with mates, in pairs etc).
• Free up an outside wall around the house the child can kick a ball against.
- Pass against a wall. ½ volleys – drop & hit below a line.
- Against a wall with a friend.
- One / two touch.
- Keep the ball up using the wall as your friend.
- Invent your own games.
• If you have a trampoline, encourage the child to practice his skills on it or just use it for developing physical skills like strength and mobility.
• Buy a skipping rope and a ‘core ball’ (large plastic ball) for developing co – ordination and core strength.
• Encourage the child to practice ball juggling and set targets with rewards if appropriate i.e.) 250 ball juggles by a certain time, juggle from one line to another turn and come back.
The key is to explore every possible way to practice without an adult being present.
School football can also be very important to young players. Socially it allows him to stay in touch with friends at school and bearing in mind that most young academy players may return to grass roots it is vital they do not sever the social ties with their classmates.
Behaviour
• Set a good example – language, communication and attitude.
• In public, do not criticise other people’s children on either team.
• Manage the outcome of the game and teach the child to win with humility and lose with dignity.
• Focus on your son as an individual not the team as a whole.
• Encourage / praise – don t criticise.
• Attribute no blame.
• Don’t be afraid to voice your opinion if you have concerns about your child’s welfare or progress.
Other sports
Think of the value that other sports have on your child’s football development and encourage them to take part in as many different sports as possible. It’s essential your child has wider personal and sporting experiences, at least up to the age of 14, whilst still focusing on his football. The role of parents / carers will be to work closely with the coach to identify and manage the load and monitor signs for overuse injuries or mental / physical fatigue.
Here are some sports that may relate directly to football and some of the outcomes of each. When children play these games, they simply ‘transfer’ skills and behaviours across to football, some players transfer quicker and easier than others.
• Court games, e.g. Badminton / Squash/ Tennis – understanding angles, hand ball co-ordination, movement.
• Basketball – feet movement, tactical understanding.
• Rugby – Strength, speed and agility, courage, determination.
• Swimming – heart and lungs / upper body, co –ordination.
• Gymnastics – strength, Balance, flexibility, co-ordination, proprioception.
PE at school
• Make sure the child gets to all PE lessons.
• Make sure he is one of the best PE students (irrespective of ability).
Diet
Parents seem to be saturated with information on diet but it is simple really.
• Less fat food
• More fruit and vegetables
• More water and less fizzy drinks
Here are some tips if your child has a morning kick off.
Match day – (2 hours before)
• High carbohydrates – cereal or bagel
• Protein – e.g. eggs
• Isotonic sports drink (still)
Match day (after)
• Low fat food – cereal bars, sandwiches etc
• Isotonic drink – replaces essential minerals in the body lost through exercise.
Away matches
Make sure that you provide sensible, nutritious snacks (e.g. snack-a-jacks, rice cakes etc) should your child have ‘energy gaps’ on long away trips.
Rewards & incentives
Don’t be afraid to offer some incentives for the player for performance and practice but be mindful if you offer a reward for scoring goals it might impact on the other players in the team.
Try to teach your child to get reward from his own performance rather than an ‘external’ incentive for performing well. Often sincere praise and recognition for the player is the only reward they need.
Letting the children ‘be children’
• Accept they will make mistakes
• Accept they will be inconsistent
• Let them play like children and act like children
• Manage (do not ban) computer games and other distractions
• Do not force the players to practice – manage their motivation and recognise they get tired – emotionally and physically
• Make sure they get enough sleep
• Make sure their school work does not suffer in any way because of football
• Go on holiday and forget about football
Summary
Clearly there is a lot a parent or carer can do when supporting the child in his football development. We as coaches must recognise that the family is the place where the player spends most of his childhood and whatever this ‘family’ looks like, it is the bedrock of their emotional development.
We must accept that parents and carers have their own lives to lead too and it is equally unhealthy to be totally immersed in the child as it is to be neglectful or disinterested. It is reaching a balance that is important.
Dan Micciche
Mk dons Assistant Academy Manager (U8 – 16’s)
dan.micciche@mkdons.com
This article was published in Soccer Coaching International, Issue
http://soccercoachinginternational.com/sci_en/
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